I still miss her dearly. Sometimes I'll walk into her room and pretend she is still lying there, talking to me, holding my hand, calling me her pretty little granddaughter. I can still remember vividly the moment my dad called me and told me that she is gone. I couldn't believe it, I know she is old and this is a better way to end her suffering but I can't help the tears that falls silently out of my eyes. I admit, I got a bit fed up with her due to her constant calling, screaming and shouting during the last few days of her life, for that, I regretted. I regretted not holding her hand more often, not talking to her more frequently, regretted that I didn't tell her for one last time that I really love her and she will always be my precious Ah Ma. The Ah Ma who will cook the mash potato for me once every week just because I say it's delicious. The one who will always protect me whenever I pissed my parents off. The one who is constantly nagging me. The one who will give me money to buy ice cream whenever I look at the ice cream truck. The one who loved me. I pretty much still break down whenever I talk or think about her so I'm trying not to think or talk about her until the time comes and I can bear the pain. Even though I'm scared, I really hope that she can come back and let me see her one last time, say all those things that I should have said and let her go back into my memories forever as my Dear Ah Ma.
This is her and me when I was around 7 or 8 years old.
This is her with me when I was in Form 4.
This is her during my cousin's wedding dinner. Happy smile. =D
This is her a few weeks before she pass away. I miss her. ='(
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